The door slammed behind us once we were gathered into the small antechamber. The few burning torches on the wall allowed us to see little of what was going on around us. The guide told us to wait a few more moments, and left us alone. This gave me a chance to look around and count how many of us were there. 

Eighteen. 

The ceremonial number. Whatever was happening, it was big. We were all oddly silent as we waited, all probably wondering the same thing. With eighteen of us here, it was hard to tell which realm this was about. Both God and Satan held their high counsels with this number of angels present so it was impossible to know who was summoning us. It was also highly unusual that ceremonies were done with such secrecy. 

True to their word, the messenger returned in the few moments promised. They gestured for us to follow them down another long hallway into a large gallery. Once in the gallery, again none that I had ever encountered before, we were told to sit. The ceremony would begin shortly. 

It briefly became dark again, and then there was the bright flash of God, but then… 

The red smokey flash of Satan. 

They were together? While we were often summoned between both realms, there had only been one ceremony in all of eternity that included both God and Satan together, and that was when Original Sin was decided. Had the humans done something else this time? 

“Welcome,” God began, “We have brought you here for a most important ceremony.” 

“The time has come,” Satan said looking over at God, “For us to retire.” 

The chamber erupted in shocked conversation leading Satan to raise his hand and silence us. 

“God and I have decided that it is time to hand over both realms to two of you. We will ask each of you which job you would like to be considered for.” 

“You may have my job in my realm, or you may have Satan’s in his. Now, you are the only Angels who are able to move freely through both realms, so you know what each job entails. Omnipotence, Omnipresence, blah, blah, blah. We all know the devil is in the details,” God smirked. 

“Indeed,” Satan smiled back, “Idle hands and all of that. Anyway, let’s have you line up, and we’ll ask each one of you what you’d like to do for an eternity. Well, until you’d like to retire, anyway. I guess the secret is out that we aren’t the first God and Satan, and we won’t be the last. The only one without a retirement plan is Jesus, the poor kid, but that was that God’s fault and above our paygrade. Nobody else has been interested in impregnating a teenager without consent, since.” 

God laughed, “So we’ll select our successors, and you’ll reign for however long you’d like and then you’ll do the same. Obviously, after the selection process is complete, we will wipe your memories of all of this before Satan and I head to our hereafter in Fiji.” 

“Line up over there, and we’ll begin,” Satan said motioning to the aisle on his left. We filed over, and it so happened I was the last in line.

I wasn’t too upset about my place. I knew what job I wanted. It would be nice to see who my competition was. 

“God,” the first angel said.

“God,” was the second’s vote.

“God,” the third. 

And God wound up hearing His name another seventeen times as Satan laughed uproariously. 

Then it was my turn. 

“Satan,” I said. 

God laughed, “Well this is new, Satan ol’ boy!” 

The now glowering Satan rolled his eyes, “Of course when it’s my turn, I don’t get to have any fun!” 

“Fun?” I asked? 

“Yes, fun,” Satan hissed, “Nobody ever picks my job, so I get to make all of you fight to avoid it, and pick who I want anyway. Why do you want my job? Did you hit your head or something?”

“It’s the better job,” I shrugged, “It’s basically the same job God has, only nobody’s bothering you. In the grand scheme of things, nobody’s asking you for anything. It’s probably a lot more peaceful.” 

Satan and God both smiled, “Ok. The job is yours. Suit up, Beezlebub. You’re gonna judge the fight for God’s job, then.” 

“You’re gonna make them fight for God’s job?” 

“Ah, everybody’s always really fighting for God’s job, they just never know it.”